Attack of the Fiscal Rape Pterodactyl

Eric Garland Greatest Hits, Political Trends 8 Comments

ERMAHGERD!!! Did you hear? There’s another fiscal emergency about the American economy! It re-emerged a convenient 9.6 milliseconds after the conclusion of the national election spectacle – but it’s like totally dangerous, and you should start feeling bad about it! CEOs should go on TeeVee and talk about cutting funding for winter heating oil programs! Financial reporters should use violence-laden …

Land of the cargo cult, home of the brave

Eric Garland Greatest Hits, Political Trends 21 Comments

The 2012 election taught me was that many Americans belong to a cargo cult. Huh? A what? During World War II in the Southwest Pacific, the Americans and Japanese made first contact with native peoples who had had no contact whatsoever with the industrialized world. These peoples in New Guinea and Micronesia marveled at the otherworldly power of airplanes, radios, clothing …

white folks

WHITE GUY 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

Eric Garland Political Trends 47 Comments

So, um, greetings to my bajillion new readers, and several hundred new detractors! The explosive popularity of  my first-person trend analysis of Republican demographic segmentation (which I did in a single draft over one cup of coffee at Starbucks before turning to my actual work) has quite surprised me, to say the least. Obviously, the subject of the partisan divide …

Letter to a future Republican strategist regarding white people

Eric Garland Greatest Hits, Political Trends 2494 Comments

To whom it may concern regarding the United States federal elections of 2014, 2016 and beyond: Allow me to introduce myself to you, the existing (or aspiring!) strategist for the Republican Party. My name is Eric Arnold Garland and I am a White Man. Boy, am I ever – you need sunglasses just to look at my photo! If I …

The letter you will never receive from Mitt Romney about his taxes

Eric Garland Greatest Hits, Political Trends Leave a Comment

Back in January, Mitt Romney was still in the primary race against several members of the Republican Party who were on direct orders from God to become President. It is of course hard work winning against people sent by the creator of the universe to take the job you want, but Romney made it happen. During this time period, it …